SWOT Analysis of Artist Management

Interesting analysis by veteran manager Michael McMartin.

Edward Guglielmino – 50 ways to get people to care about your band in Australia.

There are a few things I like about singer-songwriter Edward Guglielmino -  unfortunately, his music is not one of those things.
What I am a fan of are his occasional witticisms and bouts of trolling on the the internet. His list of 50 Ways To Get People to Care About Your Band In Australia is full of tips for aspiring musicians or alternatively, jokes for snide hipsters. Read on and pass judgment.

1. Pick your favorite overseas act and copy them exactly, give yourself a similar name, about put in your bio “Australia’s answer to”
2. Tell people you are all under 18.
3. Use “tokyo, russia, euro,” in your band name, make sure on paper your band name means nothing.
4. Sign to the first label that shows interest, hand over any chance you have of making any money to the company for a minimum of 25 years.
5. Use “Fresh, cool, straight out of, bluesy, roots” in your band bio.
6. Be an Aussie Hip Hop group.
7. Openly endorse a soft drink.
8. After two years tell everyone you’re quitting for good, only to reveal a new project which is identical, only with a very slightly different name.
9. Hire a young manager who will sign anything put in front of him or her.
10. Talk purely about music you really like, how awesome everything is, and never ever criticize anything openly.
11. After gigs in the backstage area openly bitch about every other act in Australia.
12. Find someone famous and start sleeping with them, pretend it is a secret to the public but tell every single person you can in private.
13. Listen to commercial radio for 48 straight and then write a song immediately.
14. Use awesome and wicked to describe everything.
15. Accept your aria and make a joke about how you are still the underdog and still have have no money in your bank account.
16. Have no cultural awareness, have no idea of music history.
17. Live in a share house with more than 10 other people in Northcote.
18. Live in your parents multi-million dollar house and have them bankroll you for 20 years.
19. Live in a share house in Newtown with 40 people, and 10 junkies.
20. Live in the Gap in Brisbane, be seen shopping at Gap Coles, tell people how much you hate fortitude valley, play acoustic guitar.
21. Make lists that people will pretend to like, but secretly they are infuriated.
22. Go to 1971 and copy.
23. Go to 1983 and copy.
24. Go to 1992 and copy.
25. Sound like “Television” (the band see rule 16).
26. Write negative things on forums about your band “Tokyo Russian Underground” Australia’s answer to Fleet Foxes.
27. Turn up to gigs after the band has finished and bitch about the bands performance.
28. Grow dreadlocks, play roots.
29. Be easy to pigeonhole, complain about being pigeonholed.
30. Use pigeonhole in every interview to describe your band, for example “I don’t want to be pigeonholed as Australia’s answer to Animal Collective but…”
31. Be ugly and write joke songs.
32. Continually act surprised that your are successful.
33. Move overseas, and play a couple of gigs, come back and claim that your famous in London, New York, Berlin ect. (note won’t work for 3rd world countries)
34. Go OP shopping before every photo shoot.
35. When being interviewed make ironic jokes that acknowledge that your currently famous.
36. If you are a woman, play up the girl next door thing until you are 45.
37. Talk about your fans as if you know them, if one approaches you in front of a camera act like you know him or her.
38. If a fan approaches you in Australia off camera, tell it to fuck off.
39. If a fan approaches you outside of Australia try not to act surprised.
40. Be from Melbourne.
41. Be from Brisbane
42. Be from Melbourne or Brisbane but play gigs in Sydney every other weekend.
43. Sleep with someone on the radio.
44. Put “despite only being around for 6 months” in your bio, even if you have been around for 10 years.
45. Never change a single thing about your band accept the the name.
46. Call any tour, the final tour ever.
47. After you turn 30 write a book.
48. After you turn 40 write another book.
49. After you turn 50 enter politics.
50. If a fan approaches you overseas, and they aren’t Australian, discount all rules above.

Funding Opportunities for NSW artists

I’ve always thought musicians in NSW lack the support that Victorians and Western Australians receive from their music government bodies. But recently MusicNSW has started some initiatives that might just turn things around. In their most recent newsletter they have a summary of available funding opportunities for NSW based artists. Below is an excerpt:

Various funding opportunities are available to industry and artists in NSW. If you’re interested in applying for any of the below please read through the guidelines carefully to make sure you’re eligible. If you’ve done that and still can’t skip through the bureacratic speak get in touch with us!

AUSTRALIA COUNCIL: New Work New Work grants support one-off projects that involve the creation or development of music, new musical material or media arts projects. Closing Date 15 June 2010

AUSTRALIA COUNCIL: Presentation and Promotion Presentation and Promotion grants support one-off projects that present, publish, distribute or market quality music of any style. Closing Date 15 June 2010

BRITISH COUNCIL: Realise Your Dream The British Council Realise Your Dream Awards celebrate excellence in the arts and creative industries, offering talented Australians the chance to further their careers in the UK. Closing Date 18 June 2010

ARTS NSW: Arts Funding Program These programs aim to encourage high artistic merit, innovation, building existing and new audiences, support professional and sector development and increase access to the arts for all. Closing Dates vary – Project Funding closes June 28 2010.

UnConvention Brisbane

If you’re in Brisbane this long weekend, come and check out UnConvention. From the presser:

Chartfixer

The biggest news in Australian music press today is the website chartfixer.com, whereby artists or labels can pay for the site’s services to move their songs up the ARIA charts. As ridiculous as this sounds, the reaction from all corners reminds us that chart rigging practices are not unheard of.

Fasterlouder has a good few comments for their coverage of the story. Today/Tonight even has a little vid you can watch here.

Meanwhile, industry writer Ben Butler sums up the financials of Australian major labels in 2009 on the Herald Sun

Hyperbole.tv

The last issue of JMag featured an angry quote from me regarding Google deleting music blogs. And that was before they deleted one of Australia’s finest.

Alas, last Friday we lost Mass Hyperbole, run by inthemix.com.au editor Dave Ruby Howe. As Dave points out, around four hundred posts, one million hits and three years of work disappeared at the hand of the almighty.

Fortunately, Dave has already picked up and started a new blog at hyperbole.tv (but sans the awesome banner of its previous incarnation). You should check it out and keep the dream alive. Hopefully (50% Australian) Rose Quartz doesn’t suffer a similar fate.

Aussies clean up at International Songwriting Awards

Sarah Blasko and Chris Cheney were part of the large scoop of Aussie undertakings at the recent International Songwriting Awards in the US.

Trumping competitors with the alluring ‘Bird On A Wire’, Blasko took out first place in the  Folk/Singer-Songwriter category.  Living End veteran Cheney scored first place in the Rock category for ‘White Noise’.

Geelong sibling duo Emma and Anthony Hewitt of Missing Hours won the adult contemporary award for ‘Missing You’, while the amiable Kevin Mitchell aka Bob Evans rounded out the winnings, earning best pop/top 40 artist for ‘Pasha Bulker’.

Aussies that took out third place gongs included Eskimo Joe in the Rock category for ‘Foreign Land’ and Alexander Gow and Thomas Savage of Oh Mercy for Adult Contemporary for ‘Get You Back’.

A massive list of honourable mentions acknowledged the talents of Andy Bull, Alexander Burnett (Sparkadia), Michael Tomlinson (YKB) , John Mackay (Children Collide), Tommaso Parisi (Tom Ugly) and Ryan Ritchie (True Live) to name a few.

This year’s judges included  Tom Waits, Ben Folds, Ben Harper, Jeff Beck and Robert Smith of The Cure.

Go team.

Gyroscope vs Warner

What is going on here? Got this in the email just before the weekend:

An important message from Gyroscope:

Zok, Daniel, Brad & Rob (Gyroscope)

How Much Do Music Artists Earn Online?

Amazing graph from www.informationisbeautiful.net

thanks Joel!

Glenn’s Guide to Brisbane Nightlife

While battling the massive time-suck that is Facebook, I stumbled across the group ‘Glenn’s Guide To Brisbane Nightlife’. I’m sure it was created as some sort of pisstake or in-joke, but it’s an outlet for a guy called Glenn Stewart  to vent his opinions and frustrations regarding Brisbane pubs, clubs and live music venues. Here are some highlights:

RICS

I’ve heard a lot of complaints that Rics is going to be shit now that RG’s has taken over. I’d like to talk on behalf of Brisbane’s finest indie kids. Fuck you RGs for keeping the place clean. Fuck you for hiring friendlier staff! Fuck you for conveniently putting an ATM inside your club so you don’t have to walk across the road! Fuck you for continuing the tradition of putting on free live music almost every day. And I heard you were getting beer on tap? That’s just such a fucking nightmare!

It’s also a very easy place to pick up chicks. Somehow indie girls think that if they listen to Nick Cave, it will cancel out them being a slut. Sorry ladies, doesn’t work.

Also, any guy or girl who wears an accessory to improve their self esteem or to look cool is a fucking idiot. Example – a necklace with a huge cassette tape on it. Or stupid, thick glasses when their vision is perfectly fine. You’re no less self absorbed than a 16 year old girl wanting comments on their newest myspace picture. Fuck you.

Rics gets 5/10. I have had a few good nights there.

THE FOX

The Fox is a stupid name for a pub/club (whatever the fuck it is). Their $2 bits of meat are a fucking joke, served with a side of salad they made in a bucket. I don’t understand why people think it’s good value paying $2 for scraps.

It seems the average age of the crowd are 15 – 19 year old girls, 19 – 21 year old engineering students, and fresh new business men who buy their suits from Lowes. I know that sounds like a few rape charges waiting to happen, but from what I can tell it’s pretty safe. There’s cheap beers, and plenty of fat chicks to share around if that’s your thing. For the ladies – there’s plenty of fresh tribal tatts, guys with new toyota’s and dudes who actually enjoy dancing (still don’t get it?!).

If you like walking up 5 stories to really bad music, and a weird mixture of annoying people than this place is probably for you. The cheap beer is definitely a bonus.

Another thing I’ll never understand is the attitude of some bar staff. You know the “I don’t smile, I don’t like anyone who orders a drink, I take my job very seriously, I am the best bar person ever” type of person? Well you’ll meet plenty at The Fox.

Again it’s a place where the toilets smell like vomit all the time…

3.5/10

I had a few giggles. Check out the group here. Sorry to exclude those of you without a Facebook account, but I’m sure the satisfaction of not being data-mined is enough consolation for you.