Words by Meredith Music Festival punters, compiled by ALLEE RICHARDS
Photos by BEC CAPP
* * *
Friday, 9AM.
“Where are you camped?”
9:30AM
“How have you been?”
“Where are you camped?”
10AM
“Hey, how are you?”
“Good, but I just saw someone I went on a Tinder date with, and I’m trying to ignore them. Where are you camped?”
10:30AM
“Hey, where are you camped?”
“It’s a good spot, and we’re next to this guy I have on Tinder. I hope he doesn’t recognise me, but still finds me hot in person.”
11AM
“Where are you camped?”
12PM
“Is it time for lunch yet?”
12:30PM
“Ah, so fresh.”
“I love oysters.”
“Smoked trout, what a delight!”
“Crostinis, cute!”
“Where’s the Prosecco?”
“I love your fur.”
“That’s not Prosseco, that’s sparkling shiraz!”
*Lol*
“Are we ready for the pork?”
“Why are we playing the second movement? It has to be Spring!”
4PM
“I’m so full I can’t stand.”
“Beer is going down very badly.”
“I don’t think a four course meal was a good idea after all.”
(more below)
7:05PM
“I didn’t know Thirsty Merc still played?”
“They sound different to what I remember.”
“What was one of their well-known songs? Let’s sing it.”
“I don’t remember any of them.”
8:10PM
“I like it when they start songs, but this bit is boring.”
“Yeah, same. I like bangers… not jams.”
9PM [end of SHELLAC]
“That set was so awesome, I want to hit someone.”
10:25PM
“Is this cultural appropriation?”
“Why would it be?”
“She has tassels on her head.”
“Oh yeah, it probably is then.”
11:40PM
UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA
“Thank god I found you.”
“You can’t leave me again now or we’ll lose each other.”
“It’s crazy down here. It’s like the bloody Bourke Street Mall.”
2PM
“Have you had a good day?”
“I had the best day.”
“My day was so good.”
“I had such a good day.”
“I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I love you.”
“I am so glad we can hang out.”
“Seriously though.”
“I admire you so much.”
“Why don’t I see you anymore?”
“Have you met my friend?”
3:10AM
LUCY CLICHE
“I don’t like this as much as Harvey Sutherland.”
“That’s because you’re not high anymore.”
SATURDAY
“What’s on today?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is there an Opera on today?”
“No, why would there be?”
“There should be more Opera at this festival.”
“It would go down terribly.”
“No, I think it could be good.”
“It would be divisive, but that’s good.”
“Did you like Goat?”
“I loved it.”
“I hated it.”
“I liked some songs, but others I thought were really boring.”
“I think it would be better in a smaller venue, but people kept spilling UDLs on me and distracting me.”
“Unknown Mortal Orchestra were awesome though.”
“Nah, I thought they were really average.”
“New Order was the best.”
“Obvi.”
3PM
“This is awesome.”
“It’s hot.”
“But this is awesome.”
4PM
NEON INDIAN
“This lead singer is really annoying.”
“He tries too hard.”
“I like his top though.”
“I can’t believe they didn’t play ‘Deadbeat Summer’. It’s his only good song.”
5PM
THE PEEP TEMPEL
“I was hoping this would be a peep show.”
“I know, it’s very disappointing.”
5:45PM
“Who are Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats?”
“It’s an opera.”
“Really?”
“No. But imagine if it was.”
7:30PM
FATHER JOHN MISTY
“That’s the most unanimous boot I’ve seen all weekend.”
“Yeah, that’s as much boot as you can get.”
“There were a few people giving it during Goat last night, but I don’t think they meant it.”
“Some people are too flippant with their boots.”
“They should make a rule that if you give the boot, you have to do a shoe-y*.”
“Yeah, then people would stop booting so willy-nilly.”
*The process of drinking a beer, poured through one’s shoe.
8:30PM, campsite.
(Everyone puts arms around each other.)
“Ok team. We come here two times a year, we drive here from Melbourne two times a year, and we come for many reasons and for one reason, which can be hard to define, but we do know what we don’t come here for. We do not come here so we can go to bed early. And we do not come here so we can home with an esky full of beers. Now, I want you all to look each other in the eye. You should know, everyone here can know, that everyone here is going to do their best.”
*Pours beer on everyone*
*Cheers*
9PM
“Who decided that brass players should move their instruments side-to-side? It looks so dumb.”
“Are they singing about the Little Red Riding Hood?”
“This song is about coconuts.”
“This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m going to shimmy, because it’s the stupidest dance ever.”
10:20PM
“I’ve just remembered what a classic move the shimmy is.”
“You’re so good at that.”
11:50PM
*Does air guitar move*
“Oh my god, check out his moves.”
1AM
LEVINS
“Wow.”
“This sucks.”
“This is terrible. I’m so bored.”
“This is actually the worst thing I’ve ever seen here.”
LEVINS: “Fuck every person here who doesn’t love Bieber.”
“I’m bored again.”
“If it wasn’t for Bieber this would’ve been the worse thing I’ve ever seen.”
2:30AM
“This is way more disco than I expected.”
“I love you.”
SUNDAY
“Ratatat was so awesome.”
“That was the best thing from the entire weekend.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“It was so cock rock, it was like Journey just without lyrics.”
“Yeah, I felt everyone else enjoyed Ratatat more than I did.”
“That’s what I felt about Goat, but I loved Ratatat.”
“I have red UDL on my top.”
* * *
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