While battling the massive time-suck that is Facebook, I stumbled across the group ‘Glenn’s Guide To Brisbane Nightlife’. I’m sure it was created as some sort of pisstake or in-joke, but it’s an outlet for a guy called Glenn Stewart  to vent his opinions and frustrations regarding Brisbane pubs, clubs and live music venues. Here are some highlights:

RICS

I’ve heard a lot of complaints that Rics is going to be shit now that RG’s has taken over. I’d like to talk on behalf of Brisbane’s finest indie kids. Fuck you RGs for keeping the place clean. Fuck you for hiring friendlier staff! Fuck you for conveniently putting an ATM inside your club so you don’t have to walk across the road! Fuck you for continuing the tradition of putting on free live music almost every day. And I heard you were getting beer on tap? That’s just such a fucking nightmare!

It’s also a very easy place to pick up chicks. Somehow indie girls think that if they listen to Nick Cave, it will cancel out them being a slut. Sorry ladies, doesn’t work.

Also, any guy or girl who wears an accessory to improve their self esteem or to look cool is a fucking idiot. Example – a necklace with a huge cassette tape on it. Or stupid, thick glasses when their vision is perfectly fine. You’re no less self absorbed than a 16 year old girl wanting comments on their newest myspace picture. Fuck you.

Rics gets 5/10. I have had a few good nights there.

THE FOX

The Fox is a stupid name for a pub/club (whatever the fuck it is). Their $2 bits of meat are a fucking joke, served with a side of salad they made in a bucket. I don’t understand why people think it’s good value paying $2 for scraps.

It seems the average age of the crowd are 15 – 19 year old girls, 19 – 21 year old engineering students, and fresh new business men who buy their suits from Lowes. I know that sounds like a few rape charges waiting to happen, but from what I can tell it’s pretty safe. There’s cheap beers, and plenty of fat chicks to share around if that’s your thing. For the ladies – there’s plenty of fresh tribal tatts, guys with new toyota’s and dudes who actually enjoy dancing (still don’t get it?!).

If you like walking up 5 stories to really bad music, and a weird mixture of annoying people than this place is probably for you. The cheap beer is definitely a bonus.

Another thing I’ll never understand is the attitude of some bar staff. You know the “I don’t smile, I don’t like anyone who orders a drink, I take my job very seriously, I am the best bar person ever” type of person? Well you’ll meet plenty at The Fox.

Again it’s a place where the toilets smell like vomit all the time…

3.5/10

I had a few giggles. Check out the group here. Sorry to exclude those of you without a Facebook account, but I’m sure the satisfaction of not being data-mined is enough consolation for you.

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