Features

HOT TAKE: Alex Cameron’s ‘Forced Witness’ is good

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Alex Cameron

Junkee is a media company that exists to get clicks, sometimes they post good stuff sometimes they post shit, it’s whatever. But that article about Alex Cameron, Kirin J Callinan and Client Liason being apologist for toxic masculinity kind of seems indicative of the media’s obsession with slowly stamping out of nuance in all kinds of art.

It seems purposely obtuse for anyone to say that by representing a bad man Cameron is benefiting Australia’s problem with toxic masculinity. Firstly, from the very start it’s clear his character doesn’t have power, he’s a loser. He’s a pathetic, creepy guy, and that we can know that and still want to listen to a whole record about him is testament to Cameron’s song writing. But there’s also no Australian references at all really – from Cameron’s upward and outward trajectory you’d guess this was targeted at his new American audience – he’s lived in the states for years.

There’s no leaving your kids in the car at the RSL here, it’s all motels and superclubs and getting shat on by eagles. If you follow Cameron or his sax player Roy Molloy on facebook or twitter, yeah sure there’s plenty of Aussie as stuff, but from the record alone there’s no reason to think the character is Australian. He’s a faded vegas grifter, the kind of guy who buys nunchucks, watery eyes, too rough handshake. We’ve seen it in movies, always the character who gets killed off in a funny way. It always feel like we’re laughing at that kind of guy with Cameron, his lame faded party fantasies in ‘Hacienda’, the Vaseline-lensed portraits of twisted sheets and fucking raw. It’s like porn, funny and gross and you feel guilty for liking it but almost everyone does.

But, for sure, I won’t tell gay people how to feel about the F word. If someone hears ‘Marlon Brando’ and it makes them feel degraded, regardless of context, that fucking sucks and Cameron should have found some other way to make the character seem even viler then he already is.

I guess the main confusion in that article was that the writer obviously likes at least some of these bands, some of these songs. They call them ‘clever’, ‘well-intentioned’, even ‘jaw-dropping’. They’re constantly second guessing themselves through the whole thing. Maybe they feel weird about liking songs where a guy sings about waiting to fuck his 17 year old girlfriend until her 18th birthday. But that’s what it’s like sometimes, the world’s fucked, got a lot of fucked people in it, and sometimes artists wanna represent those characters and also make really, really good pop songs.

Cuz Forced Witness sounds slick and sexy and cool – and cheesy and bombastic and cringey, it’s all part of the world Cameron invites us into. When you rub off a bit of the grease, ‘In my dreams I miss you / and I wake up to reality’s bliss’, is a fucking romantic line. His gift is one that allows you to dance along to ‘The Chihuahua’ even if it reminds you a bit of your ex who used to always try and touch your vagina in public, and even laugh at that guy while you do it. ‘The Chihuahua’ is full of great lines ‘Chasing pussy online cuz the dog’s feeling fine and he needs it’ – hilarious, ‘love’s a diabetic sweetness, love’s a fistful of bronze jewelry’ – great stuff. There’s also that kinda dance hall feel, the fizz and swing of brass and percussion that makes this song sound light as air while the lyrics stay mucky. It’s a bummer that people think they’re not allowed to enjoy such a fun song cuz the dude says ‘pussy’ a lot in it.

Of course people like Cameron and Callinan and all the dudes in Client Liason have benefited from white male privilege. Every white man has. To put limits on the way they can comment on this privilege seems backwards and pointless. I have benefited from straight white female privilege. You’ve probably got some privilege that you benefit from. From that point we start out, then we decide what to do from there. And what Cameron’s done is a lot better than pretending to be the sad guy who never gets the girl cuz she only chases sleazebags (the kind of cliché that ‘Marlon Brando’ so perfectly skewers), or a right-on warrior for equality getting limbered up for all the dick sucking he’s about to receive.

It’s cool that somewhere with money is publishing long form music journalism with a point. But if you think about it for more than one second, there’s a lot more going on in Forced Witness than fits into this article’s opinion of what art is allowed to say. And boy, it’s GOOD.

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LABEL PROFILE: Moontown Records

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moontown

Founded by multi-disciplinary artist and musician Danny Wild in 2012, Moontown Records has become the home for a plethora of boundary-pushing artists with little regard for specific music scenes or communities. And while the origins of the label were humble to say the least, the far-reaching roster now counts artists such as 100%, Thhomas, Lalić and School Damage, among many others in its fold.

On why he decided to start the label Danny says there was no real plan or ambitions, but instead was a platform for him to introduce people to the music of outsider artist, Turtlenecjk, whose prolific output is a story in itself. The label organically perpetuated from there as a number of Danny’s friends were making music, which to him was “engaged, fresh and inspiring”.

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On the artist selection process Danny notes “there is no formula, it might be a friend sending a demo, an anonymous email, or me obsessing over someone/something I have chanced upon. I really don’t think it’s ever been the same over the 50 odd releases I have done so far. I generally steer away from any demos sent to me from a third party, whether it be an agent or manager.” He finds that the style or genre of an artist’s music is less important than their approach, choosing to work with people who are “passionate and dedicated, but not serious”.

The label has always had a strong emphasis on physical formats, mainly cassettes but more recently vinyl. When asked about this approach Danny explains it stemmed from his own fascination with collecting, starting with “skate VHS tapes then into zines, cassettes and records”. Aside from that he also prefers the texture and sound of these medium and that he “never really saw a digital release as ‘real’”. His thoughts on this are however changing with the current state of “hyper consumption and waste”. As any music fan still drawn to the tactile beauty of a physical release will attest, there is something gratifying and ultimately more rewarding about a tangible object. A feeling which only affects a certain type of person. And as the way in which people consume music continues to evolve, Danny’s view is somewhat romantic reflecting “I am a nostalgic person…Musicians agonise over their music and by the time it comes to release day it might be a year or more old, people then consume it in a flash and are done with it. At least with physical media it exists in the world, a chance encounter could happen at a record store or elsewhere – and that is exciting to me. Mystery is exciting!”

With 2 releases already under his belt for 2017 – a 12” by Brisbane post-punk trio, Bent, and a tape of electronic and ambient experiments from Perth’s Leafy Suburbs – Danny is planning on 2 more 12” releases before the end of the year. He doesn’t want to give too much away on the releases but says its “very exciting and influential music”.

So stay tuned for more intriguing music from this great label and in the meantime navigate your way through the wealth of amazing material in the existing catalogue.

Website / Facebook / Soundcloud

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VIRTUAL MIXTAPE: Sebastian Field

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Illustrations by Lucy Roleff

Sebastian Field is probably best known as the golden-throated front man for Canberra-based quartet, Cracked Actor. However he is also a member of gentle folksters, Burrows and more recently has focused on his solo project, the fruits of which will appear on his debut album, Picture Stone, later this year.

I first became aware of Sebastian’s work via Cracked Actor’s jaw-dropping full-length debut, Iconoclast, a work of majestic beauty underpinned by his distinctive falsetto. The band’s penchant for writing intelligent pop songs with an experimental flair carried through to the two EP’s which followed it; Upstructures, and the stripped-back Duo, both of which were released last year.

On the strength of his work in both bands, Sebastian’s solo outing is shaping up to be a cracker, and certainly one we’ll be keeping a close eye on.

For his contribution to our Virtual Mixtape series Sebastian has selected the incomparable Squarepusher, with an essay titled ‘Squarepusher’s Fantastic Obsession with Science Fiction’. Over to you Sebastian…

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Being a human (a human being) who’s been on the planet for *some* time now, my capabilities to achieve enthusiasm and excitement have deteriorated from the levels that I once used to be able to engage in. It’s a real shame. Things repeat themselves. Disappointments occur. Realities set in. It’s hard to maintain the same heights of vigorous elation that one used to feel. How bleak – but also really interesting and by proxy very exciting and enlivening to observe personally, lolz.

I can remember days when I would get so overwhelmed with anticipation for new Squarepusher music. In particular 2008’s Just A Souvenir. In the months leading up to its release, I was a bottle of bubbly, about to blow (blue tick of verification). I got it while interstate with some friends, detached from them for some time to enjoy the first listen. It was a few hours, I played it back to front a couple of times over directly into my brain through my headphones. I was so happy.

Anyway, for some reason I’ve felt it necessary to prelude this article with that introductory blurb because I think maybe it’s just nice to reminisce, isn’t it – aside from the present, all you have are your memories (which is a nice gift, really, that the experience of consciousness gives to you). Also, in being a bit self indulgent here, I feel I’ve given myself the opportunity to link to a track that has no real attachment to the overall subject, apart from being a track by Squarepusher.

Squarepusher – ‘Tommib’ (Go Plastic)

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A Band From Another Planet

For a while now, Squarepusher (Tom Jenkinson) has had an ever present obsession with concepts of science fiction, permeating them through his releases blatantly. It’s all the way through his releases from 2001’s schizophrenic Go Plastic to 2015’s nightmarish (and unfortunately underwhelming) Damogen Furies. The most obvious of his indulgences hitherto is perhaps the coming-to-fruition of his imagined science fiction future band, initially imagined on the aforementioned Just A Souvenir (JAS) and created in real life on his follow up release, Shobaleader One – d’Demonstrator.

In conversation on JAS, Jenkinson describes that the premise of the album originated from a daydream in which he was visited by a band performing in front of a large, glowing coathanger. The band played abstract math rock/jazz fusion/classical inspired compositions as surreal occurrences took place, such as parts of the drummers kit rapidly switching places with itself and the guitarist harnessing the ability to accelerate and decelerate time. As mentioned before, clearly an indulgence, Jenkinson tries his darnedest to replicate the experience of his daydream on JAS. It’s a lot of fun, you should listen to it if you’d like to. Anyhow, not satisfied with his efforts on JAS, he felt it necessary to have one more stab at directly replicating his vision by putting together Shobaleader One, the real life band from another planet.

Unfortunately, the (as of now) only recording put out by the band is pretty plain and underwhelming. Sorely missing the palette of Jenkinson’s solo studio abstractions, Shobaleader One – d’Demonstrator comes off as emotionless, two dimensional and really, really cold. That might be the point, even, being an alien band from another planet but the experience of sitting through the album is not very pleasant. The first track is brilliant, though, haha. I love it!

(more…)

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LOOK: Golden Plains XI, 2017

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Words and pictures by Bec Capp 


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Golden Plains XI marked my 10th time at the festival (I missed one about 4 years ago when I was doing that thing where Melbournians go live in Berlin). In 2007, when I was 16, my best mate told me about this cool ‘new’ festival her older brother knew about and convinced me to go with her. It probably cost $200 and The Presets were playing so it didn’t take much persuasion. We bought a slab of passionfruit UDLs, traded them off with a girl we knew from a nearby school for some No-Doz, and I never looked back.

Be it noted that I don’t condone underage drinking and neither does Golden Plains. There is a strict “No Dickheads” policy in force at the Meredith Supernatural Amphitheatre, which helps make this festival so special. GP XI was particularly dickhead free. Thanks Aunty (and maybe Pitch).

While the place is always a haven, some things have changed over 10 years. My group of friends (which has solidified and grown substantially thanks to this festival) has moved from screaming at bands on the barrier, all the way back to the fourth lantern on the left. The fourth one – that’s a new level of relaxed. Soon we’ll be sitting on the hill. In fact, I did watch Neil Finn from the hill. The amphitheatre was so beautiful from back there, with the sound of everyone singing along, I actually welled up. Friends I’ve danced with in the crowd are now up on stage. These days I like Bloody Marys, Sunset Strip has become like Bourke Street Mall on the weekend Zara opened, and there are cold showers where you never have to line up (highly recommended).

Of course, some things never change: the same friend from 2007 handed me a passionfruit UDL at about 3 a.m. on Monday, and in that moment it was the best thing I had ever tasted. There’s always a band I’ve never heard of that turns out to be a festival highlight (thanks Chain & The Gang). There’s always a great moment when you’re full of love, hugging everyone in your vicinity (thanks Total Giovanni). Pink Flamingos are consistently delicious and I have been camping in pretty much the same place since Golden Plains I.

It might only be a few days, but over a decade those few days every year have had a substantial impact on my life. Thanks to this place for the friendships I still have today and for moments that are unforgettable for many reasons. I would like to thank the Nolan family for making their home my own. RIP Jack Nolan.

See you in the ‘sup come December for MMF #27.

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Naked Tour Diary (Part 3)

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We’ve reached the end of our journey with Hobart band Naked and their buddy Alex Romano, with this, the final installment of his tour diary. I almost feel like I’ve been on tour with Naked this whole time, don’t you? Nah, cuz you’ve been at work still? You work Christmas retail/ hospo but you’ve been getting blind every night anyway (IT’S CHRISTMAS) and you see death’s approach clearer every day? Yeah, me too.

Ah well, get away from it all with these tales of urine, suggested bestiality, brushes with indie movie stardom, hangin with Whitney Houston’s Crypt ( <3 ) and Peak Tour.

Thanks Naked! Thanks Alex! See youse on the road again soon.

(Part 1 HERE Part 2 HERE)

Day 7 – Sydney is hot 2nite

By Alex Romano

I said the boys are back in town boys are back in town boys are back in towwwwwwwn. Thin Lizzy is rockin out in the Juicy Van I’m sure of it! The boys are in the harbor city, and ready to rock out. I’ve been contemplating snorting cocaine all day in preparation to rock out!

8:15 pm

The Marly Bar is just how I remember it from the night before. A tasty mix of people, high class aussie gastro pub fare and chalk board specials.

9:15 pm

Lenin Lennon are playing their first show for 18 months and a lot of people seem very excited for that. They scream into the mic for a bit and appear to forget how to play a song at one point. This is what music is about people! I also have a chat with the Pillow Pro’ers, can’t wait for their set tomorrow night at the Union!  I make the fateful error of telling them that I missed seeing them multiple times in the past. I don’t think it goes across well, but they are really lovely so hopefully they forgive me if I make it in time tomorrow.

10: 30 pm

By the time Naked starts I’m sweating like a Big Kev. It’s an absolute stinker of a night and the boys play such a hot set that my sweaty pits are showing no signs of slowing down. I get a massive shout out from the LADS and awkwardly wave my hand at the crowd and let them know I’m up for a chat and will sell them a record.

11:15 pm

I just sold 7 records which might not sound a lot to you music industry types but it’s a lot in the scheme of the tour so far. It’s actually the most. So cop that. We end up being pretty rock and roll back at the Lenin Lennon’s Whitney Houston’s Crypt house and we are having a couple of cold tinnies and some joints early in the morning. This is fuckin living, and don’t you dare to try and stop us. I go home because my head is spinning from all of the rock and roll, sweat and drugs.

Sydney version 1.0 at the Marly Bar: 5 out of 5 rockdogs – could not have got more rock if we tried. At one point it was getting so out of hand I thought Jordy was going to purposefully and impractically rearrange the van. Fortunately he didn’t.

Day 8 – Sydney is on an Ultralight Beam

11:30 am

My throat stinks of last night’s VBs and Bond Street Gold’s. I’ve never felt quite as alone as I do this morning, soaked in urine with my housemate’s cat licking my toes so lightly we could be lovers. Images of Paul Walker race through my head. Is this who I have become? Fast and the Furious 7 is playing on my television, I have vague memories of queuing up all 7 films before I went to sleep last night…What time was it?! Shit!!! The boys! The band! I scramble out to the microwave, my only source of time. Where the fuck is my phone? Not to worry, it’s 11:30am. Better chuck that sickie at work, it’s time to turn the volume to 11 and tackle another day on the job with Naked.

12:30 pm

I find the boys in a similarly limber state and before we know it we are off towards the great Pacific Ocean. I’m really hamming it up with em now, yeah boys Mackenzie’s Bay is the place to be, it’s really gonna be a great one! There’s a natural water slide! There’s heaps of dogs! Kieran’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree, Rob and Jordy are similarly enthused, like little elves. Here we are bounding down the rocks to another beautiful day but the waves are way too big for these Hobart kids so we kinda just end up rubbing our faces in the water at Tamarama.

2:00 pm

I completely forgot. We went to Gordon’s Bay – now that was a fucking good one. We ignored the sea lice warnings because tbh wtf is a sea lice anyway? We’re swimming and Rob disappears for a bit so I see an in to tell a funny story to Kieran and Jordy about how people drown at Gordon’s all the time! Then Rob reappears so it becomes a really funny story and almost a bit of a gotcha. ☹

3:30 pm

We have now been having a discussion for around 15 minutes about the most equitable way to split our 6 potato scallops between four. We could cut each scallop into four giving a grand total of 24 slices of scallop and each of us getting 6 healthy bits of scallop. But 24 is too close to 23 which is Rob’s favourite number but also his arch nemesis so we try and figure out a way to change it to 23.

In the end we just end up eating the 6 scallops and nobody really paid much attention to who got what but it was really fun and we are sitting in some nice cushy grass in front of a big old house in the eastern suburbs. Doesn’t get much more live than this.

8:30 pm

Woah! This night is cool. I just ran into a girl that I met through the popular dating app Tinder. It was a bit of an awkward exchange but I think that is probably because she was jealous that I was hanging out with my band mates. I smoked a cigarette and felt cool and my anxiety at seeing her was gone pretty soon thereafter.

After the gig Rob got called a hottie! It drew some awkward and nervous laughter but there was not any further rock dogging to be had there. It’s always nice to receive compliments like that though so I’m sure Rob was really chuffed.

12:00 am

I have to leave the gig and try and find my way home now.

Anyways. Pretty pumped for the road trip to Canberra. I am really looking forward to the seat of power and really want to see Lenore Taylor and/or David Marr and/or Cory Bernardi.

Sydney version 2.0: 5 out of 5 rockdogs – I completely forgot that Rob’s dad turned up to the gig! Apparently he never comes to see the Nakeds in Hobart so that’s pretty rock of his dad. Good work Mr Fisher.

 

Day 9 – Canned bears ahh?

11:15 am

We are in the juicy van, on the way to our nation’s capital. The seat of power! There’s a really noticeable buzz amongst the Nakeds and I’m pretty sure it’s because we are all still riding high from the reception Kieran got from the crowd last night when he mentioned Insiders and the fact that he met Mike Bowers. For those of you who don’t know Mike Bowers does the segment on Insiders called Talking Pictures. He is a political photographer predominantly for the Guardian and seems like an all-around top bloke. Some legends in the crowd last night realised that and made a brief woo.

11:30

The highway to Canberra is a desolate wasteland. Wait, I take that back, it starts to look pretty cool once we are out of Sydney, some nice eucalypts and the occasional rolling hill. Oh wait, what the fuck! A fucking windfarm. How hideous. We all collectively vomit and spend 30 minutes cleaning out the van and trying to exhale as much renewable energy as possible.

Those windfarms really hit us hard so we’ve pulled over to take another breather.

2:30 pm

The funniest thing just happened!

If some of this sounds like I’m taking the piss and you don’t believe me then please just believe that this one thing happened and it was seriously warped. Really funny times.

A 12 year old girl just offered Kieran some completely unsolicited advice on his health. We had stopped to have a quick cigarette and coffee, maybe even a vita weat and some avocado and Kieran wandered off a little way as he usually does before turning back to us and saying, “I wish I could have a cigarette!” From the passenger seat of her parked car, this girl turns to Kieran and with a voice barely above a whisper says, “don’t smoke you’ll die.” I honestly don’t know where her parents were but they’ve really drummed a fascist anti-smoking regime into the mind of that poor girl. She probably doesn’t realise that she’s going to die as well, but it sounds like she’d maybe make a good doctor.

3:30pm

Kieran has just confirmed that his Aunty played a character called John in a movie directed by Noah Baumbach. He thinks it was Mistress America and that John was one of the main characters. I haven’t seen the movie so can’t really question Kieran any further but I have a feeling it’s a gotcha. Feel free to leave a comment below if you can confirm or deny whether Kieran’s aunty plays a character called John in Mistress America.

9:30 pm

Canberra ended with a tremendous bang. For anyone who hasn’t been they have really amazing bus shelters and a real great 70s vibe goin through the burbs which quickly degenerates into a pretty vanilla university student urine soaked town. The Phoenix sounded bloody good though and the boys met a true idol of theirs, THAT bloke from TV Colours. He signed a copy of the Monthly. Not just the cover. Literally every page of the Monthly. From the contents to the back cover. It was really nice of him and kind of awkward at the same time but I think we were all friends by the end of the night. True to form the guys rocked the casbah and Kieran even made a few jokes about Canberra.

Kieran: Canned bear a? – [we’re all vegans, but we’ve decided to start a new merch venture and invest in canned wild meat, we’re thinking of selling Canned Bear, ah? .]  ‘ah’ as in , y’see?

Crowd: [largely dumbfounded but some offended silence]

Kieran: We just played in Sydney and they were pretty wild, but not as wild as here.

Crowd: [generally offended silence, a few people laugh and about 6 people exit the bar in protest, someone mutters “aren’t you from Hobart?”]

12:00 am – 4:00 am

A couple of events after the show left me feeling conflicted about Canberra. Firstly, some complete dickhead started talking to us about how he just had sex with an ugly girl in an alleyway. He was complete sludge. SPOILER ALERT part of the reason Massive Cock was written might be that guy.

Secondly, we reached peak tour for a couple of hours when we got back to our friend Kieran’s place (no I knowwwwww what you’re all thinking, not Kieran Sullivan! Another Kieran!). For those of you that aren’t really big on rocking, peak tour is when you reach a point where your brains are kind of fried and think that jokes that make no sense are hilarious; also Powderfinger becomes the best band in the world.

Being on peak tour this night is like being on the set of Rage in the late 90s. I’m so proud to have been involved. It was really the Everest of tour moments and I wish more people could have been there soaking up the rays of good times that soaked us all like a super soaker won during a Cheez TV giveaway.  There is a recording on Kieran’s phone of every song that got sung but here is a rough track list. All acoustic cover versions.

Champagne Supernova

Wonderwall

Black Fingernails, Red Wine

These Days

My Happiness

Funky Monks

Under The Bridge

Canberra: 5 out of 5 rockdogs – we reached peak tour – I felt like Sherpa Tenzing.

Saying goodbye to the guys is like losing my appendix. It really hurts and I have a scar that will last forever but in a good way. It’s 7am and I’m on a Murrays bus really hungover.

After a couple of valiums I am back home, I don’t really know how, so I flop onto my mattress.

All I have to say now is that Naked deserve significantly more recognition than they have currently received but they were named “Triple J Unearthed artist to watch” and that’s a step in the recognition direction.  They’ve also been played on Triple J which means that Naked is one step closer to their dreams of being aussie pop punk starlets. Go Naked good luck on the pitchfork review.

Alex Romano graduated from the University of Queensland with a Bachelor of Arts/Law. He lives in Sydney and works as a solicitor. He never wears a suit to work.

Pink Quartz is available now through Tenth Court.

Oh also we got sent this video from Kieran – if you were wondering if they were joking about the Powerderfinger.

 

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Naked Tour Diary (Part 2)

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Hobart band Naked went on tour in February, with their buddy Alex Romano along for the ride! Yesterday we brought you part one: the shocking beginning, tomorrow: the thrilling conclusion. Today though it’s The Middle Bit! Ft: Australia’s second greatest city (Newcastle), Kanye West and the opposite of Reggae.

 

Day 3 – Jammin Part 1

By Alex Romano

Waking up was fun. Lennox Head was even better than advertised with a couple of absolutely jammin locals camping on the headland next to us! They really blazed it up and after the fourth remix of Bob Marley’s Jammin we had became fast friends. Not! More like fast asleep friends! When we woke up they’d gone.

6:15 am

With our brothers in arms gone, we mulled on our night of ‘pretty good but not great’ sleep.

It’s really early so I can’t believe that we are meandering to the top of the headland because it’s actually still 6:15 am.  What else are we going to do? Oh well. Worse things have been happened I guess but the headland actually had a worse view than where we camped, but fortunately we got to see a number of bush turkeys in the bushes. I’m not sure if they are native to Australia…Probably introduced from Polynesia like the Dingos. I just thought of a great band name, the Introduced Dingos. If the Native Cats can be a band name then surely the Introduced Dingos could garner a similar level of hype. I’ll run it past the boys when I get the chance. Also I really got the hang of the walk by the end, think I am prepared to start taking regular morning constitutionals.

6:40 am

As we descended from the headland I realised why those jammers had left so early. A couple of Ballina Shire council men were having a sniff and a poke around our Juicy van. Those Jammin’ bastards might have tipped them off about us! Nah bro that’s just the weeds talking to you… but I can see them…high as fucking kites on their third J-bar of the day. They’re already deep into the tasty flavouring of a box of pizza shapes. Laughing their fuckin asses off as they say “there is no such thing as being too high.” Dunno what’s really happening in this paragraph, think I’m a bit out of it. Cheers

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8:00 am

We’ve pulled over at a Lucky7 convenience store and Rob’s gone for a walk to the bathroom. He’s toying with our emotions at this point, it’s been almost 30 minutes. We’re going to find him…wait…yep…there he is.

11:00 am

Yamba has got tofu and avocadoes in the Coles so now we’re setting up the stove on the beach and making an absolutely ripper brekky. I feel like a salty sea dog after the swim but I keep that to myself.

11:45 am

This part of the trip I will tentatively title “Love Lockdown” because we are listening to Kanye West’s album Love Lockdown in the order which Jordy knows it. It certainly doesn’t flow as nicely as the original Kanye curated version but Say You Will into Robocop into Amazing was pretty sweet nonetheless. Good work Jordy’s itunes. It’s also given me a moment to pause and reflect on the subjective nature of the interpretation of albums. Like, imagine if you made an album that automatically rearranged itself everytime a person bought it. That way everybody’s interpretation of it would be different and influenced by the amount of people that had purchased it, it would be influenced by every individual purchase. But like, imagine if it was still something you could connect with but on a different emotional level on each new listen. Like in one way it is a really sad breakup album, but in another way it is a coming of age story, or in another way it is a really vivid re-telling of 1990s Australia. I think this will be the first record of the Introduced Dingos and I’ll call it, Commercial Failure but it would be an ironic name because it would be a commercial success.

Last night’s weed is really hanging around

Jordy and Kieran tell me that rock and roll is a lot less about cocaine and Keith Richard’s penis than it is about expertly packing a vehicle and maintaining a dossier of all relevant interviews, money transactions and other important items. The car is packed to perfection and we are all really comfortable and sober and having a great time playing games like where you come up with band names using multiple band names.

Names of bands that should be bands

Millencollinhay

PattiSmithStreetBandofHorsesintheSkyhooks

Frank Ocean Party

Eddy Current Suppression Ringo Starr

Five….For fighting

Backstreet Boys II Men

Alan Jonestown Massacre

Alanis Morrissetey

1:20 pm

That game really took it’s time and now we are at Coffs Harbour airport where I have to leave everyone. Fingers crossed they make it to Newcastle and we can continue to rock out in Sydney and Canberra.

Day 4 – I’m back in Sydney

I gave the boys some tips of places to see, it included Valla Beach. Hoping it all goes well for them! For breakfast this morning I ate a piece of toast with vegemite and listened to Pink Quartz, it actually was really good and I’m shocked Pitchfork hasn’t reviewed the record yet. But now I’m listening to Kanye’s record, it’s also pretty good and Pitchfork has reviewed and given it a 9 which is a pretty massive call if you ask me. Like, where are your priorities Pitchfork? They are basically the Marina Abramovic of the music “journalism” world, get big and then forget about the little guys hey.

Day 5 – Nakeds in Newcastle, Alex in Sydney

The Nakeds are in Newcastle tonight. I hope it’s better attended than their previous gig at the Croatian club. I believe they had one payer last time they were in Newy but I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

I listened to the record a couple more times today and it is a real grower! Think about Death is pretty awesome but now my co-workers think I’m depressed. I’m not that much!

Day 6 – Wollongong was shit but Naked played well

Ron has been sending me texts and gifs all night so I assume the bar has been a little bit quiet. Maybe they have made heaps of friends in the gong though.

Rob has just mentioned that there was an old fella jamming away in a Bob Marley shirt. What is it with Australians and Rasta culture!! Two peas in a pod ay man we should just move Australia to the Caribbean!

Apparently the bloke is not quite sure why he’s just paid 10 bucks to see a band called Naked. He thought they were reggae but they are actually close to the opposite of reggae.

Woollongong: 1 out of 5 rockdogs – I wasn’t at the show and Kieran said to me that it was shit but the band played well. That’s all you really need though I guess if you’re really about “the music.”  Jordy also turned away a few people who couldn’t be bothered to pay 5 bucks. It’s fair enough I think, like wtf if you aren’t gonna pay five bucks to see some aussie have a go then go and have your Victoria Bitter with jatz and spring onion dip somewhere else. There’s actually a bar in Sydney that sells that to people for something like 8 bucks. Shove your irony up your arse.

Pink Quartz is available now through Tenth Court.

Alex Romano graduated from the University of Queensland with a Bachelor of Arts/Law. He lives in Sydney and works as a solicitor. He never wears a suit to work.

Part 3 (Naked storm our nation’s capital, tour takes a horror movie twist when these poor sweet boys stumble upon A WIND FARM)

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